Covered in Shame

Im standin here and Im all covered in shame

Lookin for somethin or someone to blame

Cant make a sound theres no one around

Id never of dreamed came


Seeking Christmas Joy

In spite of understanding where it comes from and to a large extent what happens to me I still find myself each year during this season going through the same emotional spectrum.

 I attempt to find that holiday magic through either watching every holiday movie or show available or attending things that celebrate the holiday.

Nothing ever quite hits the mark to bring about that feeling of joy or happiness that overwhelms Ebeneezer on the morning of Christmas.

 Theres even a day after battle with depression having not achieved that mystical magic I continue to seek.

What will it take, a letting go of this desire or the fullfillment in finding that true connection that I long for.